Be Here Now

I have this condition that I call "not here now," which is the opposite of the affirmation that one should "be here now." Perhaps it's my slight ADD or OCD, CIA (gotcha on that one ;)), but whatever the case, I find myself thinking backwards into the past or straining forward to see the future. Hardly am I ever reflecting in the moment or sitting still. In fact, I think torture for me would be forced immobility. If I don't move or twitch, I get restless. Sitting still for long periods of time makes me tense.

So I have this problem. I rarely reflect on this present moment, or am wholly there in that moment. Which of course lessens lots of things in life like listening skills, savoring your food, enjoying a shower, relaxing during my commute and not just getting there, remembering a sermon or lecture...etc. Es no bueno.

How can we work on not being distracted, or focusing on the present? Life is only a necklace strand, each strand composed of moments en-captured in pearls. Beautiful pearls. Pearls forged in the rough oysters of life. But we can't look backwards and focus on the time when the strand broke or over-focus on the finished masterpiece. Life and the art of living are created pearl by pearl, moment by moment. Christ said, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Solomon, a wise man, once reflected, "There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

Each pearl, each "time," is beautiful when held in God's hands, with all things working together for good, not because the world is perfect, and each moment painless, but because our God is perfect. He allows us to rest in the moment and "be here now" because He knows our past and goes before us into our future, giving us peace.

Savoring each pearl,
Jane

Thoughts on Halloween

Everyone has different views and feelings towards Halloween, most of them instilled in them from childhood. Some never "celebrated," others attended "fall festivals," some dressed up as the grim reaper while others' mothers made them lady bugs or angels on October 31st (I have been the last two). My mom allowed me to go trick-or-treating and fall festival attending in my various creative outfits, usually something like a hippie, cowgirl, or gypsy that I'd pulled together out of my own closet. She usually inspected my candy after to make sure all the packages were sealed and no one had attempted to poison me.

Our home was decorated in a "fall celebration" theme. We once had a fairly cute ghost decoration I remember when I was in kindergarten, but the family consensus was that it bridged over into the darker, less innocent side of Halloween and shouldn't be kept in the house. In college, I was once Catwoman and then someone in a really pretty Victorian looking dress with lace gloves (I dubbed myself Rose from the Titanic. It looked appropriate).

So how should Christians approach Halloween? Is it a demonic holiday? Should our children participate? Can they dress up as ghouls and witches, or only super heroes and princesses? Should we attend "haunted houses" and watch scary movies around Halloween? Are we dabbling in the spiritual world, or is it all fun and games? Where is the line?

Clearly, this is a grey area of Christian liberty. But it's still something I mull over in my brain. What are your Halloween experiences and thoughts?

Reflecting,
Jane

Attempting to become a non-pansy blogger...

Yes, a non-pansy blogger. Not as in the plant, but as in hit and miss, here and there, and willy-nilly. Blogging and I need to be in a committed relationship, 1) Because I enjoy it 2) Because writing is therapeutic for me and 3) Because I think it brings a small ounce of joy into my readers' lives.

So my goal for now is to instate a 30-day challenge, to write a blog a day, no matter how pitiful the subject, for every day of Novemeber.

Here I go! Wish me luck :)

Ready to share my thoughts,
Jane

Marriage 101: Fears debunked and real-life application

Marriage.

Before I got married, this word was rather frightful to me, even when I was happily engaged (ask any of my friends, they can attest to this). I think the sheer magnitude of it scared the pants off me (not literally), since I don't believe in divorce and I only believe in a forever commitment. Can I really love? Will I feel "trapped"? How do I care selflessly for someone else when I'm despicably self-focused? These were all thoughts that rushed through my head. Less important thoughts included things such as "Can I cook?" and "What's 'simmer' mean?" Seemed like rough waters ahead in the domestic realm.

I discovered that it was not nearly as terrifying as I thought, for I had forgotten that I had many support systems, namely God, my husband, and my parents, in that order. Thankfully, neither my mom or mother-in-law is a Martha Stewart, so my cooking attempts sufficed, and sometimes wowed my husband. That was a happy surprise. I've been grateful from the time we started dating for my mans's patience and encouragement, and that has only grown and become more evident in our marriage. I remind myself, and him when he's hard on himself, that neither of us have been married before. Therefore, we're going to blunder, fumble the ball, misunderstand, get frustrated, and whatnot. And it's OK. It's OK because we communicate and we have made a commitment to love.

We committed to love the other, which doesn't always mean you'll like each other. And this is also OK. As my parents' kid, I remember telling them at times "I love you, but I don't feel I like you very much right now," which was the truth. Like/dislike, happiness/sadness...these come and go. But the underlying foundation in my family growing up was love, and even when we weren't happy and didn't like each other at that moment, there was still a commitment of love. And that's something my husband and I share as well. We intentionally tell each other we love each other, kiss goodbye/hello, and pray together before we fall asleep.

Honestly, adjusting from being engaged to married was not that difficult. My husband and I would spend all our extra time together except for sleeping hours, so the only difference was that he didn't have to go home after 11pm. We still have fun, if not more fun, now that we're married. And there's no thoughts that if either of us slips up, the other will call it off. We are home, and we are forever together :) And though we're still in the "honey-moon" phase of our relationship and I know relationships and life aren't all smooth-sailing, I'm along for the ride. I'm content because he's not in control, God's in control. And my husband and I continuously give our issues to Him. And as long as we do that, and remain committed to each other, I'm not afraid. "Perfect love casts out fear," and this love is God's love. A marriage built on that love can be fearless, fun, and fulfilling. And that makes me excited about the future :)

So...it's been awhile because...I GOT ENGAGED IN MARCH AND MARRIED 4 WEEKS AGO!!!!

Sorry I've been MIA in the blogger world, but after Valentine's day, my engagement quickly followed and five and a half (or so) months later I walked down the aisle in a long white dress and said "I Do." Then of course was the honeymoon, and now we're settling into real life. (What a let down, I tell you.) But, thankfully this is just the beginning of the journey, and we will be having many more adventures and exciting times in our lives together, til death do us part. I'm quite happy, and he is too, if you were to ask him ;). Engagement story and wedding/honeymoon adventure stories may follow, along with domestic mishaps(I can't cook, ha). I'm learning slowly along the way. I'm a work in progress, and am so grateful for my patient Savior and gentle, encouraging husband. Both which are invaluable to me.

Treading new paths,
Jane Eyre

Home is...

The older I get, the more I change my views on what "home" is. It started in college, when I would get confused in saying "I'm going back home" in referring to college when I had been staying at my home of the past decade for the weekend. That was an awkward time. Which "home" I meant became confusing...was it "home-home" or "school-home"? And did that offend my parents to call school home? Now that I've moved out, home is not where my parents live, where my pets reside, where my old nick-nacs and trophies collect dust.

No...home is where the people are that I love. Home is less and less a geological location, but rather a state of comfort in the relationships that mean the most to me. I have at least two homes then, possibly 3 or 4. The phrase "home is where the heart is" can be so true. And though it may be sad to say this brick edifice in which I grew and cried and learned who I was is not really my home, it is also liberating. No one can destroy my home. My home is where there is love: with family, with friends, and ultimately with Christ. And because of the last one, I am always at home wherever I may roam. My heart, though often restless, is always at home.

Home in His hands,
Jane

Hope for the Black Thumb

Lately I've stumbled across different types of bulb flowers that can be grown inside, year-round, without dirt. Just rocks and water. I was elated. I first discovered this a few months ago when the mother of the girl I babysit had these bulbs and plants growing in practically all her windows...in December. I was intrigued. For Christmas she gave me some paperwhite bulbs. These grow into a lovely, tall plant with small, white daffodil-like blossoms. And, they have a pleasant aroma :). Other perks: The plant grows and lasts for about a month, the bulbs are super cheap, it makes you feel like you can garden, and brings some cheer to the winter cold.

I also discovered that amaryllis bulbs can be coaxed to grow indoors. I bought a gigantic bulb, larger than my fist, about three weeks ago and planted it in a fishbowl with rocks. Nothing happened...for a long time...and I was perturbed because the bulb cost about ten bucks. Just recently, a little red bud is beginning to poke its nose out. This plant is definitely trying my patience, but if you've seen an amaryllis flower, you know it's worth it ;).

If you'd like to know, I have quite a collection of plants in this room (only ones that are fool-proof, for those who have nothing close to a green thumb). I have a "lucky bamboo" plant in rocks in a vase that's lived for 2-3 years. Its name is Ming. I have three different jars/vases containing growing paperwhites. I have the amaryllis. And I have some philodendron clippings. It's quite nice.

What kind of plants do you like to grow? Do you like certain indoor plants?

Overcoming my "black" thumb,
Jane